Friends forever

I know... I haven't written for a long time. I did a five weeks course on HRM. I basically had no extra time to update my blog.

Ten years ago me and my three friends felt quite fed up with our single lives (we were 31-34 years old at that time). We decided that we would start meeting every week to pray together for God to change the situation. That spring three of us met our future husbands through the Internet. One met hers later when she moved to another city. Now we are all married and each of us has 2-3 kids aged from 9 months to 8 years old. We don't live in the same city, but our friendship is strong. Since 2005 the four of us and one other friend have met every year for "ladies weekend" where no men are allowed (unless they are less than two years old). During the weekend we talk about everything: marriage, sex, work, kids, growth, God... We make good food, go shopping, go walking and pray together.

This weekend we had our 11th ladies weekend. What a blessing it was once again!  I think that marriage is always one of our favorite topics to discuss. I just read a good article and want to share it with you... I think that it is a good reminder and it also relates to what we talked about this weekend with my friends: 10 Things Nobody Tells You About Being Married.

Visiting a preschool

My oldest one went to visit her preschool last week. I think that I was more nervous than she was. Mainly I was anxious to see who would be in the same class with her. I had written down some names when we filled in the application. To my relief all four names were there in the list of her class. This preschool group would be the biggest one in the schools's history: 94 kids (born 2009). They had divided them into four classes.

My daughter is shy. The only way she agreed to join the other kids in her class when I took her to her kindergarten friends and asked her to hold her hand. She was the most familiar person to her since they see each other almost every day. She was  also the only one from her kindergarten group that was in the same class. Three other girls had been assigned to another class. The other kids that I had wished to be in the same class with her had been in a kids' club with her a year ago. We still saw once and a while. I know their families well and we are friends. But since my daughter doesn't see them often, she feels shy with them.

Anyways, everything seemed great. The only think that I wondered was that the class had 24 kids: 18 boys and 6 girls... That's quite a lot boys for a teacher. It is a good thing that there will be two adults in the class: a teacher and a school helper.

Next day I got this sms from my daughter's kindergarten friend's Mom where she told that she had switched her daughter to the class where the three other girls from the kindergarten group were. I felt...terrified... How about my daughter... How is she going to feel about this. The other mother suggested that I would also request if my daughter could change her group...

I felt confused... This was exactly the situation that I had not wanted to be in when I would need to be choosing friends for my child... At least, that is how I felt. I felt that the responsibility was too heavy... I knew that my daughter would feel more comfortable starting her preschool with the kids that she had played with this year. But on the other hand, the other kids that I had hoped to be in the same class represented the same values as our family. In ten years I would rather see my daughter hanging out with them. I prayed for wisdom. I had heard that these same groups would continue when the kids would go to school next year...

When I went to pick up our kids from the preschool, I felt nervous. How could I tell my daughter that her friend would not be in her class next fall... She had been so happy that at least she had been there from her kindergarten group... I told her. She looked angry at me and said: "Why not? She said!" A few seconds later she said, "okey," And after that she didn't mind the whole thing. I think that the reason was that none of those kindergarten girls are her "best friend". They are "just friends". Her best friend is her cousin. And if her cousin can't be there, it doesn't really matter. She will make new friends or re-bond with the old ones.

How often we Moms worry about our kids and make plans for them. Some times the responsibility feels heavy. We could just relax and enjoy the ride trusting that the matter are in God's hand. 

I love spring

My son found ants. He suggested that
he would take some to be his sleep buddies.
I don't think so! 

Our kids love to be outside now when it is warmer. I enjoy watching when they explore the nature. My daughter plans to catch a squirrel, so that she could have a pet. My son hunts ants to have some new sleep buddies. They can again bike and jump in a trampoline. They go digging to a ditch that is running on the back of our yard. They simply enjoy it all and so do I. I could spend hours and hours gardening. It offers me a flow experience that makes me to forget all my worries and fills my heart with joy.

The Finns wake up every spring. We come out from our houses like bears out of their caves. We may have not seen our neighbors for months and now we have change to chat again. (Or if we have seen them, we have hardly talked to them, because it has been too cold to stand outside chatting.) We are transformed into more talkative and cheerful nation. 

 I love spring! 

Looking forward to the summer when we get to go swimming... 

Public health care and how it works in Finland

Medical Consultation

We live a few minutes away from a health care center. If we needed to see a doctor urgently, we would give a call to the health care center and make an appointment for the same day. Usually they give a specific time when to come. Because doctors see more urgent cases first, you may wait in the waiting room over your appointment time. In urgent cases nigh time you must contact the hospital in a city near by.

With less urgent cases, you will get an appointment within a few weeks.

If you or your child need to a specialist, your local doctor sends you to a specialist to a private clinic. You make your appointment yourself and you don't need to wait for a long time to see a specialist. 

How much it cost to see a doctor in Finland? You pay 15-30 euros per visit. Children are free of charge. 

I must admit that we are luckier than most Finns, because the health care is very well arranged in our town: many services are bought from private clinics. In some other places you may wait for long time to see a specialist in a public health care. 

Even though the public health care is not expensive, many parents take health insurances for their kids, before they are born. The main reason is that they want to be able to take their child to a private clinic when needed. Our both children had insurances during their first year. Just in case. After that we changed their health insurances to accident insurances. 

Dental Care

Our kids get invited to see a dentist almost every year since they are one year old. For children (under 18 years old) these appointments and treatments are free of charge. The dentist will check their teeth and give advises. They want to prevent holes. That actually saves money. Generally Finnish kids should have good teeth if they remember brush them every morning before breakfast and evening before going to bed. And of course: they must remember to a take xylitol pastille after eating something. You probably didn't know that Finland kids are given a xylitol pastille in their day-care center after lunch?

Maternity Clinic

During the early state of your pregnancy you make an appointment to a maternity clinic. You will have an appointment about once a month during your pregnancy and if needed more often. You will have at least two ultrasounds to check how your baby is developing. All this is free of charge for you. 

When your baby is born he or she will have an appointment every month for the first six months and after that every other month until he or she is one year old. During the second year the check ups are twice a year and after that once a year. And again: you pay nothing for this service (except taxes!) 

Kids' programs in Finland

It is recommended that children should not watch television or play with a computer/tablet more than one hour per day otherwise it start impacting negatively on their cognitive skills and learning. For sure, it is difficult to stick to this rule. Especially if Daddy is the one keeping them company...

What kind to TV -programs Finnish kids watch

Pikku Kakkonen is a program for small children. It comes from television every day: during weekdays at 5.00pm-6.00pm and on Saturday and Sunday in the morning. Our kids don't watch it every day. During weekends I don't want them to start their day by watching television. If they start their day by watching Pikku Kakkonen, there is no time left for other programs (DVDs) or time on tablet. 

Our kids love watching kids's music programs. This is their favorite song at the moment: Frööbelin palikat: Robotti rock. 

Games

Our kids have a tablet where I have down-loaded games for kids. This tablet is made especially for kids and it has an in-built timer (Kurio tablet). Both kids have their own profile which they can use half an hour per day. However, our kids don't use the tablet every day. The older one uses it maybe once a week. I have found Lola Panda games good and educational. 

Indoor swimming pool

Our family went swimming yesterday. I took our daughter to ladies' dressing room and my husband took our son to men's dressing room. (Children that are under 7 years old can go to either side with their parent.) My son usually loves to go to sauna before going swimming, when my daughter doesn't enjoy sauna as much (all indoor swimming pools have saunas in Finland). Yesterday there were several adults who had tattoos. My son was wondering loudly to his Dad that is it allowed to draw to skin.

Visiting a Finnish indoor swimming pool might be an awkward experience for a foreigner at first. Women and men are not using the same dressing rooms, showers and saunas. However, you must undress before going to shower and to sauna. There are no curtains where you could hide yourself from others. You are not allowed to go to sauna wearing your swimming suite, because it is not hygienic.

When a child turns five, he or she is able to attend swimming classes to learn swimming. We call it "swimming school". Because there are 187 888 lakes in Finland, swimming is a useful skill and it can safe lives. I am going to sign up my oldest one for swimming lessons for next summer. She is very enthusiastic to learn to swim.

The most enthusiastic parents attend baby swimming lessons with their babies (3 months and older). I regret that we didn't. It would be easier for a child to learn swimming if she had not lost that reflex that every newborn baby has that they don't breath underneath water.

Egg Timer -pedagogics

In Finland using physical punishment has been illegal for a little bit over thirty years: no hair pulling, no flipping, no spanking... You are not to hurt you child physically at all. This law protects a child from physical abuse. However, parents need to set boundaries for children otherwise they will be in trouble when the kids reach puberty... 

Time out 

I use an egg timer: the three-year old get three minutes and the five year old gets five minutes time out when they need to re-consider their behavior. I put them to sit on a stool in the kitchen. I know there has been some debate whether "penalty bench" is harmful for a child. My opinion is that it is more harmful for the child if he grows up without any boundaries. It damages a child if he is not taught what is right and what is wrong when he is small.

There are some principles when using the time out method:
 1) Don't be harsh: the time must match the age of the child (3years old > 3minutes, 4 years old > 4minutes etc.)
2) After the time out, ask the child why she or he was punished.
3) Usually a child is ready for a hug after the punishment. Give it to her or him. They must feel that Mommy loves them still. The kids are different. My daughter has always needed reassurance after she has argued with me.

Toy out 

With my five-years old I have noticed that by taking one of her favorite toys and putting it somewhere where she can see it, but can't reach it, is actually more effective punishment than using a penalty bench. I usually tell her when she will be able to get it back. I must admit that I am quite soft and her toy has never been over night there. Hmmm... maybe I should apply the egg time also here.

Bath Time

I have also noticed that it is effective to use the egg timer when my son should finish his bath. If I tell him to come out, he refuses and starts arguing with me. But when I tell him that his bath is finishing soon, and I will put a timer to ring when it finishes, he has time to adjust and when the timer rings, he is ready come out.