Egg Timer -pedagogics

In Finland using physical punishment has been illegal for a little bit over thirty years: no hair pulling, no flipping, no spanking... You are not to hurt you child physically at all. This law protects a child from physical abuse. However, parents need to set boundaries for children otherwise they will be in trouble when the kids reach puberty... 

Time out 

I use an egg timer: the three-year old get three minutes and the five year old gets five minutes time out when they need to re-consider their behavior. I put them to sit on a stool in the kitchen. I know there has been some debate whether "penalty bench" is harmful for a child. My opinion is that it is more harmful for the child if he grows up without any boundaries. It damages a child if he is not taught what is right and what is wrong when he is small.

There are some principles when using the time out method:
 1) Don't be harsh: the time must match the age of the child (3years old > 3minutes, 4 years old > 4minutes etc.)
2) After the time out, ask the child why she or he was punished.
3) Usually a child is ready for a hug after the punishment. Give it to her or him. They must feel that Mommy loves them still. The kids are different. My daughter has always needed reassurance after she has argued with me.

Toy out 

With my five-years old I have noticed that by taking one of her favorite toys and putting it somewhere where she can see it, but can't reach it, is actually more effective punishment than using a penalty bench. I usually tell her when she will be able to get it back. I must admit that I am quite soft and her toy has never been over night there. Hmmm... maybe I should apply the egg time also here.

Bath Time

I have also noticed that it is effective to use the egg timer when my son should finish his bath. If I tell him to come out, he refuses and starts arguing with me. But when I tell him that his bath is finishing soon, and I will put a timer to ring when it finishes, he has time to adjust and when the timer rings, he is ready come out.

How to keep in shape (or try to) at home

When I was a home maker, my husband and I used to go for a walk every morning with the kids. (My husband was studying at that time.) We stopped at two different play grounds so that kids could play. Our walks took two hours (the actual walking part took one hour). Also I used to attend an aerobics class at least once a week.

When I returned to work, keeping in shape has actually been more challenging. I just don't have time to go for walks or to attend exercise classes. I want to spend my free time with my family. The kids are too big to sit in a stroller for an hour (and too heavy for me to push them around). 

My solution has been a cross trainer, the 7-minutes workout and a program with stretching exercises. I use our cross trainer twice a week for 30 minutes while the kids watch kid's program from TV and I watch my favorite shows from the computer (at the moment my favorite TV show is Doc Martin). After that I do the 7-minutes workout and the stretching program. I have downloaded the exercise program to my tablet. I try to do the 7-minutes workout every evening. I got the idea after reading about it's effectiveness. I think that it really works. I started doing it last July. I almost always watch TV while exercising. Seven minutes every day is not much...

These are the programs that I use: 

http://www.7-min.com/

http://fitnessreloaded.com/apps/stretching-exercises-app/

Finnish Family Support

Thanks to Finnish family support system I was able to spend four year home with my kids and get paid for it. With my first born I returned to work when she was one year old, because her Dad was studying. She has a super-Dad. He took care of her while studying for ten months, so that we didn't have to put her to a day-care.

After our second child was born, I stayed home until he turned three years. If you are working before your maternity leave, maternity and parental allowance are fairly good amount of money (related to your salary). But when it comes to child home care allowance (after the child is nine months), allowance drops and it is a little bit more than "a pocket money".

This information is from Kela's internet page:

Maternity leave

Maternity leave starts before the child's estimated date of delivery. You start your maternity leave at least 30 working days (about 5 weeks) before the estimated date of delivery. If you wish, you can start maternity leave earlier, starting 50 working days (just over 2 months) before the estimated date of delivery at the earliest. You can choose yourself when to start your maternity leave. When you start maternity leave, Kela will pay you maternity allowance. 

Parental leave for mother or father

Parental leave starts after maternity leave. For the duration of parental leave, Kela pays 158 working days of parental allowance, which is just over 6 months. The child is about 9 months old when the parental allowance ends.

Paternal leave

The father can take the following leave after the child is born:

1. paternity leave for a maximum 54 working days
2. parental leave after the mother's maternity leave (the leave can also be shared with the mother, but you cannot take it at the same time).
3. child care leave after parental leave.
4. part-time child care leave if you return to work part time.

After parental leave

The child is about 9 months old when the parental leave ends. After the leave

1. the father can take paternity leave and receive an allowance from Kela. 
2. the mother, father or another carer may stay at home to look after a child under 3 years of age and receive child home care allowance. Kela will not pay an allowance for the home care of a child over 3 years of age unless there are younger siblings under 3 years of age in the family.

... and then there are more options if you return to work at this point. Which I don't recommend... My opinion is that it serves a child's best interest if his/her parent is his/her primary care giver  until he/she turns two years. If it is possible. Two first years are the most important years for kids' future development.

And what is this KELA? Supervised by the Finnish Parliament, Kela is an independent social security institution with its own administration and finances. The parliamentary supervision is exercised by a group of Trustees appointed by Parliament.

How to bring up a baby in the Finnish way

The first year...

I think that this article is a good package of information: How to bring up a baby in the Finnish way. It would be interesting to know if there are big difference compared to other countries. I know that there are differences what the first solid food are that are given to babies. In Finland we start usually with fruits, potatos, carrots, sweet potatos...

And beyond the first year... 

Those were "instructions" for the first year. But how about after that? I think that generally Finnish kids eat healthier than in many other countries.

As a single I used to live in an international environment. I was surprised when I saw some moms going to buy snacks for their kids: chocolate bars, cookies, chips etc. I could never give that stuff to my kids on a daily bases. We don't buy chips, nachos or make pop corn except for parties. Many Finnish kids have their "candy day" on Saturdays. That's when they get some candies. Other days they are happy with fruits, yoghurt, bread etc. (or I try to convince them to be happy...) And by the way, we don't eat jam, peanut butter or chocolate spreading on bread.

We eat our bread with cheese or ham (or other kinds of cold cut). We may also put tomato and cucumber on bread with cheese and ham. Our main bread is dark and heavy rye bread. I basically never buy white wheat bread. When we buy other than rye bread, it is usually whole wheat or it has oats in it.

We are blessed to have healthy, free food for our kids every school day through their school years. There might be some debate on whether the school food is tasty enough, but at least we don't need to pack any lunch boxes for them.

SO different and SO perfect

We made a one day trip by a train to the capital, Helsinki, on Saturday. It was fun. It was also challenging. It is challenging to have two children who have very different personalities. My daughter is shy and my son is very out-going. When my daughter clings to me, my son talks to everybody. I try to encourage my daughter to go play with new friends. At the same time I am trying figure out how to set healthy social boundaries for my son. It is okey to talk to people, but it may not be wise to challenge bigger boys whom he doesn't know.

There were couple of things in my mind after the day:

- I should not warn my daughter of dangers that are not really danger to her. It is not good to feed her fearfulness.
- I should not get frustrated with her when she clings to me when visiting friends (I was like that when I was a child), because it sends a message to her that being shy is not a good thing.

In 2009 I was thankful when our first baby was a girl. I wasn't sure if I could cope with all that "energy" that little boys seem to have. When we had our second child, I got a son who is very much what I call a "prototype"; filled with energy, but also with hugs and compliments. And today when I watched him playing at a train's playground, he made me smile. How can he be so "prototype"... It's amazing.

Every night when I pray for them and with them. One part of my prayer is that I that they would always know that Mom and Dad love them. I think that I will start telling my kids every night that they are fearfully and wonderfully made. That they are miracles of God. Their personalities a gifts from God. SO different, SO perfect.

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well."

Psalm 139: 13, 14