Friends forever

I know... I haven't written for a long time. I did a five weeks course on HRM. I basically had no extra time to update my blog.

Ten years ago me and my three friends felt quite fed up with our single lives (we were 31-34 years old at that time). We decided that we would start meeting every week to pray together for God to change the situation. That spring three of us met our future husbands through the Internet. One met hers later when she moved to another city. Now we are all married and each of us has 2-3 kids aged from 9 months to 8 years old. We don't live in the same city, but our friendship is strong. Since 2005 the four of us and one other friend have met every year for "ladies weekend" where no men are allowed (unless they are less than two years old). During the weekend we talk about everything: marriage, sex, work, kids, growth, God... We make good food, go shopping, go walking and pray together.

This weekend we had our 11th ladies weekend. What a blessing it was once again!  I think that marriage is always one of our favorite topics to discuss. I just read a good article and want to share it with you... I think that it is a good reminder and it also relates to what we talked about this weekend with my friends: 10 Things Nobody Tells You About Being Married.

Visiting a preschool

My oldest one went to visit her preschool last week. I think that I was more nervous than she was. Mainly I was anxious to see who would be in the same class with her. I had written down some names when we filled in the application. To my relief all four names were there in the list of her class. This preschool group would be the biggest one in the schools's history: 94 kids (born 2009). They had divided them into four classes.

My daughter is shy. The only way she agreed to join the other kids in her class when I took her to her kindergarten friends and asked her to hold her hand. She was the most familiar person to her since they see each other almost every day. She was  also the only one from her kindergarten group that was in the same class. Three other girls had been assigned to another class. The other kids that I had wished to be in the same class with her had been in a kids' club with her a year ago. We still saw once and a while. I know their families well and we are friends. But since my daughter doesn't see them often, she feels shy with them.

Anyways, everything seemed great. The only think that I wondered was that the class had 24 kids: 18 boys and 6 girls... That's quite a lot boys for a teacher. It is a good thing that there will be two adults in the class: a teacher and a school helper.

Next day I got this sms from my daughter's kindergarten friend's Mom where she told that she had switched her daughter to the class where the three other girls from the kindergarten group were. I felt...terrified... How about my daughter... How is she going to feel about this. The other mother suggested that I would also request if my daughter could change her group...

I felt confused... This was exactly the situation that I had not wanted to be in when I would need to be choosing friends for my child... At least, that is how I felt. I felt that the responsibility was too heavy... I knew that my daughter would feel more comfortable starting her preschool with the kids that she had played with this year. But on the other hand, the other kids that I had hoped to be in the same class represented the same values as our family. In ten years I would rather see my daughter hanging out with them. I prayed for wisdom. I had heard that these same groups would continue when the kids would go to school next year...

When I went to pick up our kids from the preschool, I felt nervous. How could I tell my daughter that her friend would not be in her class next fall... She had been so happy that at least she had been there from her kindergarten group... I told her. She looked angry at me and said: "Why not? She said!" A few seconds later she said, "okey," And after that she didn't mind the whole thing. I think that the reason was that none of those kindergarten girls are her "best friend". They are "just friends". Her best friend is her cousin. And if her cousin can't be there, it doesn't really matter. She will make new friends or re-bond with the old ones.

How often we Moms worry about our kids and make plans for them. Some times the responsibility feels heavy. We could just relax and enjoy the ride trusting that the matter are in God's hand. 

I love spring

My son found ants. He suggested that
he would take some to be his sleep buddies.
I don't think so! 

Our kids love to be outside now when it is warmer. I enjoy watching when they explore the nature. My daughter plans to catch a squirrel, so that she could have a pet. My son hunts ants to have some new sleep buddies. They can again bike and jump in a trampoline. They go digging to a ditch that is running on the back of our yard. They simply enjoy it all and so do I. I could spend hours and hours gardening. It offers me a flow experience that makes me to forget all my worries and fills my heart with joy.

The Finns wake up every spring. We come out from our houses like bears out of their caves. We may have not seen our neighbors for months and now we have change to chat again. (Or if we have seen them, we have hardly talked to them, because it has been too cold to stand outside chatting.) We are transformed into more talkative and cheerful nation. 

 I love spring! 

Looking forward to the summer when we get to go swimming... 

Public health care and how it works in Finland

Medical Consultation

We live a few minutes away from a health care center. If we needed to see a doctor urgently, we would give a call to the health care center and make an appointment for the same day. Usually they give a specific time when to come. Because doctors see more urgent cases first, you may wait in the waiting room over your appointment time. In urgent cases nigh time you must contact the hospital in a city near by.

With less urgent cases, you will get an appointment within a few weeks.

If you or your child need to a specialist, your local doctor sends you to a specialist to a private clinic. You make your appointment yourself and you don't need to wait for a long time to see a specialist. 

How much it cost to see a doctor in Finland? You pay 15-30 euros per visit. Children are free of charge. 

I must admit that we are luckier than most Finns, because the health care is very well arranged in our town: many services are bought from private clinics. In some other places you may wait for long time to see a specialist in a public health care. 

Even though the public health care is not expensive, many parents take health insurances for their kids, before they are born. The main reason is that they want to be able to take their child to a private clinic when needed. Our both children had insurances during their first year. Just in case. After that we changed their health insurances to accident insurances. 

Dental Care

Our kids get invited to see a dentist almost every year since they are one year old. For children (under 18 years old) these appointments and treatments are free of charge. The dentist will check their teeth and give advises. They want to prevent holes. That actually saves money. Generally Finnish kids should have good teeth if they remember brush them every morning before breakfast and evening before going to bed. And of course: they must remember to a take xylitol pastille after eating something. You probably didn't know that Finland kids are given a xylitol pastille in their day-care center after lunch?

Maternity Clinic

During the early state of your pregnancy you make an appointment to a maternity clinic. You will have an appointment about once a month during your pregnancy and if needed more often. You will have at least two ultrasounds to check how your baby is developing. All this is free of charge for you. 

When your baby is born he or she will have an appointment every month for the first six months and after that every other month until he or she is one year old. During the second year the check ups are twice a year and after that once a year. And again: you pay nothing for this service (except taxes!) 

Kids' programs in Finland

It is recommended that children should not watch television or play with a computer/tablet more than one hour per day otherwise it start impacting negatively on their cognitive skills and learning. For sure, it is difficult to stick to this rule. Especially if Daddy is the one keeping them company...

What kind to TV -programs Finnish kids watch

Pikku Kakkonen is a program for small children. It comes from television every day: during weekdays at 5.00pm-6.00pm and on Saturday and Sunday in the morning. Our kids don't watch it every day. During weekends I don't want them to start their day by watching television. If they start their day by watching Pikku Kakkonen, there is no time left for other programs (DVDs) or time on tablet. 

Our kids love watching kids's music programs. This is their favorite song at the moment: Frööbelin palikat: Robotti rock. 

Games

Our kids have a tablet where I have down-loaded games for kids. This tablet is made especially for kids and it has an in-built timer (Kurio tablet). Both kids have their own profile which they can use half an hour per day. However, our kids don't use the tablet every day. The older one uses it maybe once a week. I have found Lola Panda games good and educational. 

Indoor swimming pool

Our family went swimming yesterday. I took our daughter to ladies' dressing room and my husband took our son to men's dressing room. (Children that are under 7 years old can go to either side with their parent.) My son usually loves to go to sauna before going swimming, when my daughter doesn't enjoy sauna as much (all indoor swimming pools have saunas in Finland). Yesterday there were several adults who had tattoos. My son was wondering loudly to his Dad that is it allowed to draw to skin.

Visiting a Finnish indoor swimming pool might be an awkward experience for a foreigner at first. Women and men are not using the same dressing rooms, showers and saunas. However, you must undress before going to shower and to sauna. There are no curtains where you could hide yourself from others. You are not allowed to go to sauna wearing your swimming suite, because it is not hygienic.

When a child turns five, he or she is able to attend swimming classes to learn swimming. We call it "swimming school". Because there are 187 888 lakes in Finland, swimming is a useful skill and it can safe lives. I am going to sign up my oldest one for swimming lessons for next summer. She is very enthusiastic to learn to swim.

The most enthusiastic parents attend baby swimming lessons with their babies (3 months and older). I regret that we didn't. It would be easier for a child to learn swimming if she had not lost that reflex that every newborn baby has that they don't breath underneath water.

Egg Timer -pedagogics

In Finland using physical punishment has been illegal for a little bit over thirty years: no hair pulling, no flipping, no spanking... You are not to hurt you child physically at all. This law protects a child from physical abuse. However, parents need to set boundaries for children otherwise they will be in trouble when the kids reach puberty... 

Time out 

I use an egg timer: the three-year old get three minutes and the five year old gets five minutes time out when they need to re-consider their behavior. I put them to sit on a stool in the kitchen. I know there has been some debate whether "penalty bench" is harmful for a child. My opinion is that it is more harmful for the child if he grows up without any boundaries. It damages a child if he is not taught what is right and what is wrong when he is small.

There are some principles when using the time out method:
 1) Don't be harsh: the time must match the age of the child (3years old > 3minutes, 4 years old > 4minutes etc.)
2) After the time out, ask the child why she or he was punished.
3) Usually a child is ready for a hug after the punishment. Give it to her or him. They must feel that Mommy loves them still. The kids are different. My daughter has always needed reassurance after she has argued with me.

Toy out 

With my five-years old I have noticed that by taking one of her favorite toys and putting it somewhere where she can see it, but can't reach it, is actually more effective punishment than using a penalty bench. I usually tell her when she will be able to get it back. I must admit that I am quite soft and her toy has never been over night there. Hmmm... maybe I should apply the egg time also here.

Bath Time

I have also noticed that it is effective to use the egg timer when my son should finish his bath. If I tell him to come out, he refuses and starts arguing with me. But when I tell him that his bath is finishing soon, and I will put a timer to ring when it finishes, he has time to adjust and when the timer rings, he is ready come out.

How to keep in shape (or try to) at home

When I was a home maker, my husband and I used to go for a walk every morning with the kids. (My husband was studying at that time.) We stopped at two different play grounds so that kids could play. Our walks took two hours (the actual walking part took one hour). Also I used to attend an aerobics class at least once a week.

When I returned to work, keeping in shape has actually been more challenging. I just don't have time to go for walks or to attend exercise classes. I want to spend my free time with my family. The kids are too big to sit in a stroller for an hour (and too heavy for me to push them around). 

My solution has been a cross trainer, the 7-minutes workout and a program with stretching exercises. I use our cross trainer twice a week for 30 minutes while the kids watch kid's program from TV and I watch my favorite shows from the computer (at the moment my favorite TV show is Doc Martin). After that I do the 7-minutes workout and the stretching program. I have downloaded the exercise program to my tablet. I try to do the 7-minutes workout every evening. I got the idea after reading about it's effectiveness. I think that it really works. I started doing it last July. I almost always watch TV while exercising. Seven minutes every day is not much...

These are the programs that I use: 

http://www.7-min.com/

http://fitnessreloaded.com/apps/stretching-exercises-app/

Finnish Family Support

Thanks to Finnish family support system I was able to spend four year home with my kids and get paid for it. With my first born I returned to work when she was one year old, because her Dad was studying. She has a super-Dad. He took care of her while studying for ten months, so that we didn't have to put her to a day-care.

After our second child was born, I stayed home until he turned three years. If you are working before your maternity leave, maternity and parental allowance are fairly good amount of money (related to your salary). But when it comes to child home care allowance (after the child is nine months), allowance drops and it is a little bit more than "a pocket money".

This information is from Kela's internet page:

Maternity leave

Maternity leave starts before the child's estimated date of delivery. You start your maternity leave at least 30 working days (about 5 weeks) before the estimated date of delivery. If you wish, you can start maternity leave earlier, starting 50 working days (just over 2 months) before the estimated date of delivery at the earliest. You can choose yourself when to start your maternity leave. When you start maternity leave, Kela will pay you maternity allowance. 

Parental leave for mother or father

Parental leave starts after maternity leave. For the duration of parental leave, Kela pays 158 working days of parental allowance, which is just over 6 months. The child is about 9 months old when the parental allowance ends.

Paternal leave

The father can take the following leave after the child is born:

1. paternity leave for a maximum 54 working days
2. parental leave after the mother's maternity leave (the leave can also be shared with the mother, but you cannot take it at the same time).
3. child care leave after parental leave.
4. part-time child care leave if you return to work part time.

After parental leave

The child is about 9 months old when the parental leave ends. After the leave

1. the father can take paternity leave and receive an allowance from Kela. 
2. the mother, father or another carer may stay at home to look after a child under 3 years of age and receive child home care allowance. Kela will not pay an allowance for the home care of a child over 3 years of age unless there are younger siblings under 3 years of age in the family.

... and then there are more options if you return to work at this point. Which I don't recommend... My opinion is that it serves a child's best interest if his/her parent is his/her primary care giver  until he/she turns two years. If it is possible. Two first years are the most important years for kids' future development.

And what is this KELA? Supervised by the Finnish Parliament, Kela is an independent social security institution with its own administration and finances. The parliamentary supervision is exercised by a group of Trustees appointed by Parliament.

How to bring up a baby in the Finnish way

The first year...

I think that this article is a good package of information: How to bring up a baby in the Finnish way. It would be interesting to know if there are big difference compared to other countries. I know that there are differences what the first solid food are that are given to babies. In Finland we start usually with fruits, potatos, carrots, sweet potatos...

And beyond the first year... 

Those were "instructions" for the first year. But how about after that? I think that generally Finnish kids eat healthier than in many other countries.

As a single I used to live in an international environment. I was surprised when I saw some moms going to buy snacks for their kids: chocolate bars, cookies, chips etc. I could never give that stuff to my kids on a daily bases. We don't buy chips, nachos or make pop corn except for parties. Many Finnish kids have their "candy day" on Saturdays. That's when they get some candies. Other days they are happy with fruits, yoghurt, bread etc. (or I try to convince them to be happy...) And by the way, we don't eat jam, peanut butter or chocolate spreading on bread.

We eat our bread with cheese or ham (or other kinds of cold cut). We may also put tomato and cucumber on bread with cheese and ham. Our main bread is dark and heavy rye bread. I basically never buy white wheat bread. When we buy other than rye bread, it is usually whole wheat or it has oats in it.

We are blessed to have healthy, free food for our kids every school day through their school years. There might be some debate on whether the school food is tasty enough, but at least we don't need to pack any lunch boxes for them.

SO different and SO perfect

We made a one day trip by a train to the capital, Helsinki, on Saturday. It was fun. It was also challenging. It is challenging to have two children who have very different personalities. My daughter is shy and my son is very out-going. When my daughter clings to me, my son talks to everybody. I try to encourage my daughter to go play with new friends. At the same time I am trying figure out how to set healthy social boundaries for my son. It is okey to talk to people, but it may not be wise to challenge bigger boys whom he doesn't know.

There were couple of things in my mind after the day:

- I should not warn my daughter of dangers that are not really danger to her. It is not good to feed her fearfulness.
- I should not get frustrated with her when she clings to me when visiting friends (I was like that when I was a child), because it sends a message to her that being shy is not a good thing.

In 2009 I was thankful when our first baby was a girl. I wasn't sure if I could cope with all that "energy" that little boys seem to have. When we had our second child, I got a son who is very much what I call a "prototype"; filled with energy, but also with hugs and compliments. And today when I watched him playing at a train's playground, he made me smile. How can he be so "prototype"... It's amazing.

Every night when I pray for them and with them. One part of my prayer is that I that they would always know that Mom and Dad love them. I think that I will start telling my kids every night that they are fearfully and wonderfully made. That they are miracles of God. Their personalities a gifts from God. SO different, SO perfect.

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well."

Psalm 139: 13, 14

Challenges of fours seasons

In Finland kids play outside despite of weather

Summer

Dressing kids is easy summer time. (I love summers!) I can send kids outside without spending half an hour dressing them (or assuming that at the age of 3 and 5 years they do it all by themselves). 

Fall

Now challenges start. The kids need middle season overalls. If the ones that they used last spring are too small, it is time to do some shopping. The best options are waterproof overalls. However, for muddy and rainy days the kids need mud pants and a rain coats also. For cool days they need fleece or wool layers under their overalls (they can use the same once during the winter). To keep their feet warm Gore-Tex shoes are the best choice. They also need rubber boots for muddy days. And we should not forget water-proof mittens. And mud mittens to play with mud (which they love to do). They must have a beanie “pipo”, which is made of cotton. In addition to all these out-door clothes the kids need better clothes also: jackets, shoes, mittens etc.

Winter

Our kids have two different kinds of overalls for winter season, because winter seems to be more wet now days than it used to be. The kids have thick winter overalls, which they use when the temperature is below zero degrees centigrade. Unfortunately temperature is often above zero and the kids get wet playing out-door. My kids have also other overalls which are warm, but are made of rubber below the waist line (Lassie Suprafill). Gore-Tex boots are again the best ones, but they need to be also warm and not slippery. I haven’t found a pair of boots that would have all of these qualities, which means that the kids need several pairs of boots. When it comes to warm and not slippery shoes, Kuoma winter boots are our favorite. When the temperature is below zero, the kids use fleece or wool layers underneath their overalls. Mittens and beanies need to be warm as well. I prefer waterproof mittens also during winter. And again, in addition to all these out-door clothes the kids need better clothes also: jackets, shoes, mittens etc.

Spring

Yes! Spring will be here soon. It is time to switch to the middle season overalls. But with sunglasses they look much cooler! The weather improves every week and soon I can search for our kids sweatsuites that they often use when outside. Soon the rubber boots and Gore-Tex shoes can be replaced with sneakers. 

The Finnish maternity package

The new Finnish maternity package has been published -- like every spring!

When I was expecting my first child I couldn't wait to get our maternity package by mail. I had to wait for certain weeks (154 days) to be full so that I would get a certificate from the maternity clinic to apply for it. It was exciting to open the package and look though the items: snowsuit, socks, bodysuites etc.

You can have the package every time when you are expecting or you can choose to take the money (140 euros) instead. (If you expect twins, you get three "packages", if you expect triples you get six "packages"  > you can take choose to take money instead of any package.)  Most Finnish mother choose the package especially when they are expecting their first ones. The value of the package is much more than 140 euros.

I decided to take the package also when I was expecting our second child. The main reason was that I knew that we were having a boy and the colors of that package suited well for a boy (even though, they are often unisex). (And there is that certain excitement related to the package... The amount of 140 euros would not replace that...)

How about the cardboard box - did we use it as a bed for the baby? Yes, we did. When expecting our first child, my husband I build a stand for the box. We did it together from the beginning to the end. I sewed a lining for the box. It turned out beautiful -- or what do you think? Now it is serving as a shelf for my daughter's toys. And the boxes... they are used to store things.

Here you can look what the new Finnish maternity package 2015 looks like:
http://www.kela.fi/aitiyspakkaus

More information about Finnish maternity package in English:¨¨
Why Finnish babies sleep in cardboard boxes
http://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-22751415

Summer and sauna

During summer we have warm days and weeks (+30C) as well as cool rainy days. Last summer was wonderful: sun was shining every day most of July. We enjoyed swimming in lakes. My parents live by a lake and water of that lake was +28C. Did you know that Finns go to sauna and jump to lake after that? People who have summer cottages have always a sauna with a wood-burning stove. I go to sauna and swim three times every evening when visiting my parents during summer. Our kids love going to sauna and swimming. They would spent the whole day swimming. My parents don't have a wood-burning stove in sauna. Their sauna has an electric stove that is always warm: you just lift up a lid and throw water to the stove. It is very handy if you want to spent the whole day swimming and want to warm up once and while.

I guess it is impossible even to talk about Finland without starting to talk about sauna. Every house and cottage in Finland has a sauna and I really mean every.

It is important to protect kids from ultraviolet radiation also in Finland. My kids use swimming suits that cover their skin and give protection against sun. That was not the case when I was a child. Times have changed as well as nature. When I was a child the weather was easy to forecast: now we have  had winters when there is hardly any snow and summers when it is mostly raining. 

Babies nap outside in Finland -- all year around!

In Finland babies nap outside even when it is -10  degrees centigrade. When it is cold, we dress them warmly (and if it is VERY cold we cover the pram with a blanket). When you try baby's nape, you will know whether the baby is warm, cold or hot. Babies sleep usually better outside than inside.

I faced problems when I was expecting our second child and we needed the pram for the baby. My daughter never got used to taking her nap inside. So soon after turning two she didn't take a nap anymore at all. Or she did if I took her for a walk outside, which was quite difficult with a newborn baby and bad back pain.

Generally mothers feel safe leaving their babies outside to sleep. Of course they keep them on eye. My babies have slept in our back yard where nobody could see from the street near by. Like everybody, we used also a baby monitor. 

When my daughter was a baby, there was a incident when a baby was taken from a stroller without anyone noticing . It was a miracle that the baby survived because he was buried under snow and it took hours to find him. It turned out that the baby was taken by a girl who was only 10-12 years old.

Maybe that was one reason why I wanted to have a baby monitor with a camera.


The babies who nap in sub.zero temperatures

"Just once" is the beginning of a habit

My daughter held my thumb when I was nursing her. And she held my thumb when she was falling asleep. At first I thought that it was cute. But after she was getting older and older and still wanting to hold on to my thumb to fall a sleep, it wasn't cute anymore. It was tiring. I had to wean her from that as well.

I have noticed that with kids you let something happen ONCE and after that the kids have adopted a new habit. I let our son to come to sleep in our bed once and after that he woke up every night trying to come to sleep between us.

Or you have stopped nursing during nights. One time you are too tired to say "no" and you are back to the same old habit again. And you have to wean the baby again from that habit.

Children need love. I think that often the reason behind all these quickly developed or re-developed habits is to feel loved... What is the love language of your child? Is the words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, acts of service or physical touch? (Chapman, Gary: The Five Love Languages). How does the child show you his or her love? That might be his or her love language. We should love our kids with all these languages, but also to try to find our what is the primary love language that especially makes the child to feel our love....

Transitions

When I had my first baby, I started worrying how could I even take her to a day-care and go back to work. She was very clingy. When I left the room she started crying and cried until I picked her up. Not even Daddy was good enough for her.  I can't believe how fast time has gone by. My daughter is already five years old. She is a little bit shy, but very determined. Just like when she was a baby: she knew what she wanted and didn't give up until Mommy picked her up.

This and next week all kids born in 2009 need to be registered to pre-school. There are not many private schools in Finland. There are none close by where we live (that means within 10 minutes travel). The best choice for us is a local public school. It is located only a few minutes ride from our house (1 km). When my daughter is older (7-8 years old), she is able to walk to the school by herself like most Finnish kids do.

I am worried whom we should wish to be in the same class with my daughter. How can we make the right choices... My daughter seems to be playing with many different girls in her kindergarten. Are they forming friendship for the rest of their school years? How do these sweet girls turn out when they become teenager? The feeling of responsibility for my daughter's future feels heavy upon me.

The past has taught me that often there is no need to worry. When my daughter turned one years old, I returned to work for nine months. I am thankful that we didn't have take our daughter to a day-care. Daddy stayed home with her and took care of her. (My husband was a student at that time and he was studying when she was taking a nap.)  I worried that our daughter would cry the whole day, because that is how it had been whenever I left the house. To our great surprised she waved to me at the door and was happy all day. It was a successful beginning for a special bond between Daddy and his daughter.